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April 27, 2008 at 7:50 pm (Personal Blog, Wisdom for Tomorrow)

Thanks for the comments 🙂 It gives me an approximation of how many people acctualy read my blog. Or at least how many care enough to comment.

I want to write about a conversation i had today. I want to write about it, because it was unusual in the fact that it was meaningful. It was a conversation i had with Martina over the phone, and was about our situation in life and so many things which i feel there is a point in talking about. In the middle of it all she acctualy questioned me, made me think. It wasn’t just a cruise through comfortable subjects, spending time on pleasantries or pointless stories or whatever it is that i talk about usually and am so tired of now. It was a real conversation. That’s why i like Martina so much, and why she and her opinions are so important to me. Why don’t people question me more often? (and i mean seriously question me and not just suggest that my opinions are stupid or wrong and that i should think like them).

So i went on questioning myself. I needed that, to get a grip on what i’m doing and how i really feel about it. I know i needed that, because i got such a kick in the ass out of doing it… i don’t think i’ve been this self conscious in a long time. I wasn’t just tired, i was stagnant. Thanks for getting my brain going.

Of course, one of the things i questioned was, why is her opinion so important to me? I thought about all the obvious reason, such as if i’m still in love with her, or because it’s so long since we talked, or her experience from moving to America is valuable in my eyes. You think it’s because i’m still in love, right? Tell me what love is and i’ll give you an answer for that. But the point is, i don’t even care if it’s that (i can’t even tell). The point is that it makes me move closer to or at least explore the person i want to be. It’s a great external stimuli moving me away from stagnation. I want change. I need change. And it’s coming.

This week has been a time of self exploration for me, starting with the self-discovery as a designer and finally putting my finger on the reason for my frustrations recently. I do so enjoy having control over my life ^^

When i resurrected this blog i said i will use it to improve my writing, as well as use it to write Reviews. Well, since i’m being honest with myself i can say that i haven’t even been trying to do that. I didn’t even read my posts before i published them. How was i supposed to improve? I’m much more aware of it now, and instead of just writing here i’m going to try to make this as meaning full as possible, for me. Obviously i need to figure out what that means, first.

Amongst the thing i know i am going to do is to acctualy consciously work on improving my writing, not just typing in something here. I’ll see how that goes, it’s not the easiest thing to do, makes posting here many times harder. Also the reviews. Next week will be the launch of GTA4, and i think i can promise a review of that 🙂 Not any time soon tho, i want to play many hours before i give my opinion of the game. And that’s what’s it going to be, because if you want to know how the game is or what features it has, there are really countless other sources for that on the internet, like Wiki or gamespot.

Maybe i’ll write up a review of the new seasons of Doctor Who in the meanwhile 🙂

Challenge me, damn you!