Sclerosis
I totaly forgot! I really wanted to share this song with you š It’s not exactly on the same topic as my post so i figured i’ll do a new one instead of editing.
Content
Thanks for the comments š It gives me an approximation of how many people acctualy read my blog. Or at least how many care enough to comment.
I want to write about a conversation i had today. I want to write about it, because it was unusual in the fact that it was meaningful. It was a conversation i had with Martina over the phone, and was about our situation in life and so many things which i feel there is a point in talking about. In the middle of it all she acctualy questioned me, made me think. It wasn’t just a cruise through comfortable subjects, spending time on pleasantries or pointless stories or whatever it is that i talk about usually and am so tired of now. It was a real conversation. That’s why i like Martina so much, and why she and her opinions are so important to me. Why don’t people question me more often? (and i mean seriously question me and not just suggest that my opinions are stupid or wrong and that i should think like them).
So i went on questioning myself. I needed that, to get a grip on what i’m doing and how i really feel about it. I know i needed that, because i got such a kick in the ass out of doing it… i don’t think i’ve been this self conscious in a long time. I wasn’t just tired, i was stagnant. Thanks for getting my brain going.
Of course, one of the things i questioned was, why is her opinion so important to me? I thought about all the obvious reason, such as if i’m still in love with her, or because it’s so long since we talked, or her experience from moving to America is valuable in my eyes. You think it’s because i’m still in love, right? Tell me what love is and i’ll give you an answer for that. But the point is, i don’t even care if it’s that (i can’t even tell). The point is that it makes me move closer to or at least explore the person i want to be. It’s a great external stimuli moving me away from stagnation. I want change. I need change. And it’s coming.
This week has been a time of self exploration for me, starting with the self-discovery as a designer and finally putting my finger on the reason for my frustrations recently. I do so enjoy having control over my life ^^
When i resurrected this blog i said i will use it to improve my writing, as well as use it to write Reviews. Well, since i’m being honest with myself i can say that i haven’t even been trying to do that. I didn’t even read my posts before i published them. How was i supposed to improve? I’m much more aware of it now, and instead of just writing here i’m going to try to make this as meaning full as possible, for me. Obviously i need to figure out what that means, first.
Amongst the thing i know i am going to do is to acctualy consciously work on improving my writing, not just typing in something here. I’ll see how that goes, it’s not the easiest thing to do, makes posting here many times harder. Also the reviews. Next week will be the launch of GTA4, and i think i can promise a review of that š Not any time soon tho, i want to play many hours before i give my opinion of the game. And that’s what’s it going to be, because if you want to know how the game is or what features it has, there are really countless other sources for that on the internet, like Wiki or gamespot.
Maybe i’ll write up a review of the new seasons of Doctor Who in the meanwhile š
Challenge me, damn you!
Not every day
Allright so i think i’ve proved that i simply can’t write one post a day even with the best of intentions and good motivation š Maybe if i had a stable job, at a desk, with some downtime every day , or maybe it it was summer, or simply my life wasn’t like cigarette smoke going through a fan (metaphor, people). To explain how my life looks right now, i’ll briefly describe my last two days…
On Thursday i worked from 10 to 14 with Pyregrass, then i had to go in to Malmƶ fƶr a job interview, and work from 17 to 20, came home at 21, basically fell asleep. On Friday i was at school working with pyregrass from 10 to 16.45. As soon as i came home i had the washroom booked, then i went to buy some groceries with Toste, and alter on we made dinner and hung out the rest of the evening… Now is basically the first time since thrusday that i’m spending some ‘recreational’ time in front of the computer.
Martina came to visit from America yesterday. Still haven’t talked to her besides some hectic messages over msn while i was working, but apparently there’s lots of people coming over tonight and she will be there too… It’s a weird mix of knowing that i should not hang out and being happy that she’s back. I how she will treat me this time around. I wasn’t particularly happy about our interaction since the break up, but hey, that’s very easy to understand.
To be honest all i want to do tonight is to.. sleep extra much. Rest. I deserve rest. I’d also like to play more World ends with you… there’s 350 pins in that game to collect, some evolve from other… isn’t that more than there were pokemon in the first game? Anyway, unfortunately for me i’m a ‘good chap’, so i bought a bottle of wine and probably going to socialise with people anyway….
I’ve been listening to Tanacious D quite a lot recently, especially Tribute and The Metal. Those songs have some sort of energy which i can channel to keep me going … i really need it š I have i soft spot for music that just makes you want to do things, you know? Music for the body, music for the soul….
Incidentally, it took me 2 hours to write this post. Not because i’ve put soo much time into it, or that i’m this slow. Simply distractions, like chatting with Sara for example… I think i’ll end this now tho š But you know what would be great, if people acctualy comment a little bit on my posts š That would be a great and greatly needed kick of energy š
Day or Relevation
Do you ever have one of those moments, when something becomes crystal clear, and you literally feel like you have gained some deeper level of understanding.
Me and Cia were having a meeting with our adviser today, and afterwards we started discussing how the project went, what conclusion from it we can draw and so on… And we did a really good job, a brilliant job. We both felt like we missed doing this, what we are supposed to do. Design. Let the creativity flow. I’m not saying we shouldn’t have sat in that cellar and tried our best our game, but it was today that we have received satisfaction from it, being able to sit down, analyze and discuss that time.
We also looked back on what we did back in our first year, who we were. We’re so drastically different people. Dear gods would the project have been a complete and utter failure if we attempted in during our first year… And now not only have we’ve managed some degree of sauces, but also managed something beyond our expectations – To give the game that something special, that spark that makes it fun.
Reminiscing made me realize what our school does to you, how it works. It does make you remember lots of methods and doctrines, and give you practical experience and support to grow… but that’s not the main thing. It changes you as a person, makes you develop, grow, become someone. I can, with being honest to myself and understanding what it means, stand tall and proud and say that I’ve become a designer. Quite a good one, now, too.
Besides the epicness š It was nice to sit at school a bit, and see the people, and have one of those moments when it feel that what you are doing feels absolutely right, and make a lot of notes that will lead us thru the darkness of final paper writing…
I think I’ll end this post. I could, as all ways , write more, but i think the point is made. I’ll keep the rest for later ^^
Indian jokes
“It’s a beautiful mooorning, i don’t need to shower today. I have a beautiful feeling, everything going my way… is O.o”
So i’m at work, and figured i will use this wonderfully DULL opportunity to write a post. Don’t get me wrong, i like my job, and dull times. I’m oh so very good at filling them with things i love to do…
It was my moms 54th birthday yesterday, and such an occasion deserves at least a little notice on my blogg. I’ve decided to stay at her place for the nigh, so i went over after work and made dinner for her with some stuff i bought on the way. Very standard stuff, but also very tasty. I’ve decided on this while i was working, so i forgot to bring my DS with me to keep me entertained during the night… I miss it, haven’t played World ends with you in 48 hours now, almost.
It’s acctualy quite funny, because i’ve started noticing that i have developed a real relationship with the game. When i first met it, it seemed fascinating and new to me, so i wanted to spend as much time as possible with it. After a while i noticed that it will probably be very much of the same all the time, so i kindof lost some of my initial interest…. and later on i discovered that not all it has to offer is something i want. The feeling culminated when she (the game) separated me from my in-game partner, whom i have grown very fond off, and replaced it with some pretty boy prick whom she likes better. That was too much for me, so i’ve turned it off and put it away for the time… But i know it won’t last. She’s got me hooked. I’ll forgive her with time, and soon will be destroying noise, and hopefully that pretty boy prick too…
I know that people usually talk about the weather when they have nothing better to say, but our current weather has me absolutely ecstatic, so i have to mention it. It’s so sunny it could be the middle of summer. Of course, here in sweden even at noon in the middle of summer, everything has very long shadows, making me feel that my surroundings are somewhat… surreal. Just a different environment from where i grew up, i guess. Unfortunately the winds are still cold, but at least that give some room for improvement for the coming summer ^^
I guess that’s it for today. No picture for you.
Sabina
Hello gang. Going to keep it short today.
My friend Sabina complained that i didn’t write about her at all in my blog when i asked her to read it, so i’m gonna smear all about her today š
Sabina and i met at my work, the Malmƶ University Helpdesk. During the first weeks we help photograph and manufactur student id cards and some such, so we spent a lot of time talking, and became friends i guess. She likes Lost, and spent some time living her life in Hawaii, where i think her boyfriend is right now. Not to worry, they will soon be reunited at Sabina just finished her teachers education. Come to think of it, i don’t know what she’s going to teach. Or where she’s from. I’m a bad friend :((
I like her because i can really talk to her, at least in peson, and there’s very few people who you can genuinely talk to. Even if we talk about stuff i talk about often, she often has a different take on things. We don’t hang out all all tho, so i guess we are work coleques š Or whatever.
So that’s about it.
Rebooting
All right, Iām sorry I havenāt updated in a long time. I donāt really have a proper excuse; all I can say is that it wasnāt deliberate. I can only hope that some of you still check this page every now and then and will notice my efforts to start posting regularly again, because I do want that, and I am going to try.
Why? As the end of my education is coming closer with big steps, Iāve applied to my dream job as a game designer at Massive Entertainment. And they called me up for a phone interview, showing some degree of interest in hiring me J Yes, I did a little dance when I found out. They also requested that I hand in two short papers to show off my skills in design and the English languageā¦
Writing them made me notice how really rusty Iāve become with writing, so no I have some real motivation to keep this blog updated J Itās a win-win situation, you get to read as good post as I can make then, and I get more practice at writing J Iām thinking about starting writing reviews here as well. I consume a lot of media, so I donāt lack source material or opinionsā¦ I donāt promise anything yet, but itās a possibility J
Since I havenāt updated in a couple of months it would feel natural to try to update you on what has been happening in my life, but I wonāt even try as itās impossible and would most likely not be a very interesting text. The only two things I will say about the time since my last update is that my bachelorās project is eating my life, and that Iāve been sick with chicken pox. Yes, that thing you get when you are a kid (if youāre lucky). It knocked me out cold for two weeks. The boils and scars made me feel the most unattractive Iāve ever felt, but thereās barely any left. To see it from a positive angle, it gave me a lot of motivation to take better care of my body. Swimming, gym and sunbathing here I come!
To tell you a little bit about whatās happening now. The first draft of my bachelors thesis is due on the 3rd of may, so I have my hands full right now with finishing the prototype and writing the papper. After that a month of all sorts of dead line follows, so itās probably going to be very hectic. I think me and Cia did a good job, so Iām not really worried.
Another thing I want to write about is a game I am currently playing on my NDS, called āThe World Ends with youā. Itās an innovative RPG like game that mixes the story and characters the like of a Final Fantasy game (after all it is made by Square Enix) and addictiveness and collection elements of Pokemon. Add absolutely unique controls utilizing the stylus to perform attacks, wonderful music and graffiti-like graphics, and you get a game that has me captivated more than any game has in a long time. Seriously, I donāt think I will be interested in playing anything else until this game runs out of content, and even then I might replay it to try out all the pins I missed the first time around. Iām not going to write about how it works and so on, because you might as well read about that in a professional game review, Iām keeping this space personal, for my opinions only J
This post is long enough, so I think I will bid you farewell for now. If you have a NDS, I will be very disappointed in you if you donāt try āThe World Ends with youā. Cousken out.
Cousken's Weblog 